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| Mars: Thoughts and Feedback; Voice your thoughts on their competitive entries | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 29 2016, 01:06 AM (942 Views) | |
| WitchRolina | Jul 29 2016, 01:06 AM Post #1 |
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Missing the Unified Aesthetic
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Thoughts and Feedback Thread Martian Alliance This is a thread to give thoughts and feedback in regards to the various competition entries that have been submitted by the Martian Alliance. All members are welcome to post here, regardless of what alliance they may be from, or if they're unaligned. Even those in the Martian Alliance may voice their opinions on the end result of the entry. There are, however, a set of rules that must be adhered to at all times in this thread.
When posting, please use the following form:
Master list of competitions
Edited by WitchRolina, Dec 5 2016, 06:39 PM.
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| Ignatius | Jul 29 2016, 01:52 AM Post #2 |
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Regarding 4.2: Recruit. I thought this one was slightly better than the Jovian work, and good enough for first place. I liked the effort put into visuals, it was funny and memorable, and I think it was a really smart move illustrating some of your alliance members. However, the task was to produce /a/ work of visual art, and what was submitted was really three different ones, which is a liiiittle on the sketchy side as far as fairness is concerned. It would have been really nice to see you guys try to fit all three characters into one short comic strip. |
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| Catman | Jul 29 2016, 03:13 AM Post #3 |
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Loneliest Stardust Crusader
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Also on Recruit, I think one of the three comics contains more trap than necessary so I rate it 6/9 |
WHY ARE WE STILL HERE... ...JUST TO SUFFER?!
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| Miva | Jul 29 2016, 07:54 AM Post #4 |
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http://www.goldensunrise.online/topic/9304095/1/ Three pieces of art rather than one. The art was good, but not initially obvious how it related to 'recruit'. Even with explanation I felt that the pieces were filled with context that isn't obvious to an outside observer. I would like to see more of these comics, but as a piece submitted to represent your clan to outsiders I think the theme could have been more focused. Edited by Miva, Jul 29 2016, 07:42 PM.
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| Catman | Jul 29 2016, 08:18 PM Post #5 |
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Loneliest Stardust Crusader
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I mean, would it have still been three comics If we just made one big image with them together? I think that's a weak point for a deficit. I feel as though people are thinking there's missing context when this is pure world-building itself. There was barely any material before this other than what was submitted in the previous submission. These extra characters are brand new and I don't think we know ourselves who they truly are, it'll be what we'll be continuing with as we do more comics. For new members perhaps it may be confusing, but these new members are barely any newer than Goblin and Deltan are to the clan itself. |
WHY ARE WE STILL HERE... ...JUST TO SUFFER?!
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| Neshi | Jul 29 2016, 08:48 PM Post #6 |
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☀ Lana the adventurer☀
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4.2: Recruit The same what Miva said. I really liked your work (and I appreciate the effort you put in!) but it didn't seem to be related to our competition or at least it was a little confusing ^^'' But still, you'd get the 2nd place in my ranking~ Edited by Neshi, Jul 29 2016, 08:51 PM.
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My Sunrise Awards <3 Click for more info about Golden Sun Legends! Also click to see The Chronicles of Golden Sunrise! | |
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| Gnarlymaple | Jul 29 2016, 11:03 PM Post #7 |
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*uses smooch*
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Competition: 4.2: Recruit Feedback: I think I bring the perspective of a newer (or at least, less active) poster here. When I was reading the comics, the dominant thought was "huh? what does this have to do with anything?". I generally felt like I was missing context from these stories that would otherwise make them stand out for me, and so it was hard for me to determine the relevancy to the topic, or even what they might be relevant to at all. In fact, I only really got an idea of that from further discussions with you guys in Discord. I will say I did laugh at the Jojo reference in Catman's scene, considering I just finished the first season of it! Someone not familiar with it might not have caught it, however. I think you have a good potential to create an interesting and entertaining story, one that I can appreciate as I come to know and understand more of you, but it was hard to justify voting for it when I felt other entries had more to do with the topic of this round. Edited by Gnarlymaple, Jul 29 2016, 11:08 PM.
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| <3 <3 <3 | |
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| Nedben | Jul 29 2016, 11:22 PM Post #8 |
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Orzic Nedbens
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Competition: 4.2:Recruit Feedback: Nice work guys. I look forward to a possible continuation of some of these storylines as mentioned elsewhere. The inside jokes might have been off-putting for others, but as a newbie who has only an elementary grasp on the place it still made enough sense to be entertaining and its own take on the topic as 'these are people working with new recruits'. Edited by Nedben, Jul 29 2016, 11:23 PM.
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| Delfes | Jul 31 2016, 01:24 AM Post #9 |
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Regular Adept #18
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Competition: 4.2 Recruit Feedback: While I did find the mini comics funny, there are a few things about it I didn't like. My main gripe with it is the massive amount of memes and jokes in it. While some of them I did enjoy, I found the amount to be too high, making some of them feel unnecessary and added "just because". This is also related to my personal issue with memes in general, with them being pretty much inside jokes and me not knowing the source, resulting in some of them being awkward in the comics because they meant nothing and weren't funny for me. My only other critique concerns my judging method alone. The fact there were 3 comics I think may have worked against you. I did not enjoy each comic equally and judged the entry as a whole by taking average enjoyment rather than scoring it based on the best one of the 3. |
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| Nedben | Aug 8 2016, 03:43 AM Post #10 |
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Orzic Nedbens
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Competition: 4.3:Folktale Feedback: Good submission, but everyone else's was good too. It felt like a summary that lost a few pieces of subtle meaning, a retelling that feels bare-bones regardless of whether the 'actual' tale it references is longer and more detailed or not because we know an original work exists but nothing about it: the work is fine on its own but it feels like a condensed edit even though it's good on its own. Something about that put me personally off, so expect higher showings once the other votes come in. The chapters are fairly short, I feel a divider like that is unnecessary in something so short, nevermind an additional one as Orbeck suggests, unless this is just an outline. Blah I feel so english-teacher-y now. Now I want cookies...Still, a very good work. Competition: 4.5: A Cause For Celebration Feedback: More, more! Started strong and detailed, but once again as tends to happen with many of these competitions, minor details that could've been included reasonably but weren't put me off towards the end. Which month gets which clan? Does Stardust Crusading involve wearing feather capes while approaching the mountains and Conqueror's Apex as per its namesake relic or is it just for name's sake? What are the details of these ceremonies? I'd love to see answers in the World Index if an updated version gets made. It's more a personal issue than not so expect better showings once everyone else actually votes. Competition: 4.7: Justice Feedback: Truth is a harsh weapon that cuts many ways. Excellent work. Darkness leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but for some reason the Venus submission ate my hopefully unrelated negativity and given a proper read afterwards Mars did well, but with every reread my opinion seems to flick between 'ugh' and 'good work', which I am taking to say it's settling firmly on both. Having my family consistently pester me all day hasn't helped my mood, so maybe it'll be less weird to those who aren't going into this. The phrasing feels weirdly against Deltan just for doing his job right as holding the law. Then he hurts his own context by...I'm not sure how to describe it. The words feel wrong but are technically right: his words are guilty of the problem at hand. Too much emotion, and of the wrong kinds to attach. It's personal bias on my end explicitly, but it feels...hard to stomach. Too english-lesson-y, or too much the opposite. I'm not sure what I dislike about it but something feels wrong. Maybe Deltan just flavor conflicts with me lol. Context, information's timing. The placement of information as it's gotten doesn't quite meld right. Giving the opponent the emotional stab before fact as a counteraction feels ...icky. It may be the truth, but egh, it's hard to feel. I may just be in a weird mood but it comes across as narratively unpleasant. Something something if the overarching purpose is to persuade the unaligned, painting the alliance as somewhere of question on both ends of character smells...weird, I'm not sure where I'm going but I have the concept and words are talking around it. I and many others have been poisoned by english class: the analysis trickles like poison blood and tainted salad, it itches, it grates, it's notable but the work associated with ripping out the beautiful color is painful. Good work but sweet Iris external forces are preventing me from enjoying it. I don't like the way the narrative's...favoring works. The way it blends internal opinions into narrative feels irritable when I don't, naturally or willfully, sympathize with the perspectives it's tied to. I lack the words to say what I mean here but basically the overarching problem is GODGAME DARK THE WORDPLAY ABOUT THE MEANING OF JUSTICE it's good but frustrating but sort of but gaaaaah. Not my cup of tea, not my genre, not compatible with me period, but holy hell will the people who actually like that eat that stuff up 11/10 yes. *tableflips and then sets it back upright* It's that infuriating kind of 'it's good, but there's so many things about it that are so dislikable the quality is undermined'. Painful art, the beauty in a mess. However, that's not exactly appreciable, and those who don't like their stories with odd flavors of suffering are...easily driven off. And while I see what you're going for and know others will love it, I just deeply hate it and barely know why. Addenum: I told you guys before but I'll say it again MORE PLS use the World Index if nothing else. Edited by Nedben, Oct 31 2016, 12:54 PM.
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| Saucy Goblin | Dec 5 2016, 01:55 PM Post #11 |
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Sunrise's Token Hobgoblin Character
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Alright, Time to Critique our own work. Competition: 4.2 Recruit Feedback: There was a lot of controversy surrounding this submission, and I recall promising an explanation. This event has reminded me that I never got around to that explanation. First of all, the subject itself. We were excited to do this topic because it was a subject we could be creative with. However, people seem to have a line that shouldn't be crossed with creative, or out-of-the-box thinking. This leads to my first point, we strayed far from the subject area. Whether that's a good or bad thing is largely based on personal opinion, and as someone who is used to tangential thinking as a creative process, I thought the topic was fine in comparison to the suggestion. Secondly, there was the issue that, I as a member of Mars, wanted to include all the members of our Alliance as part of the project, not because I wanted more content, but because at the time I was very new to the forum; I felt it would be selfish to center the post around my character, especially when there were people like Catman who were iconic to the forum. Originally, I was going to have a comic for Cipher and Ravigast, but they did not reply when asked to join Mars Alliance's Google Drive (though in hindsight, that would have been too much work, I spent all week working on the three comics, and only got them done the day before submission.) The fact that there were three comics was the main reason for most of the controversy. firstly because, some people thought it was unfair that we had three submissions, which is a fair opinion that I disagree with. The more valid point about this is that quality was unevenly spread between the three comics. This is a good point, to me especially, the Deltan comic seemed much less interesting than the other two, Its content was good, but the plain background really made it look too simple. The last point I'll make about this is that People thought the jokes weren't inclusive enough. Truth be told, some of the jokes there were directed at people in particular; this doesn't mean that all the jokes were. In fact, The Orbeck comic did well because it was a satire, the use of meta jokes went well, and most enjoyed it from what I can tell. The Deltan comic is a testament again to this, as this was more a comic for us than anyone else, with JoJo references all around. In summary, The Recruit Submission was a blast to make, and it's the source for much of why the mars clan has become Iconic to the members in discord and the forum alike. Do I think it was a good submission? Yes. Did everyone like it? No. Is that OK? Of course. Competition: 4.3 Folktale Feedback: A much simpler submission than I would have liked. Circumstances lead to the absence of our main writer, and that was perhaps our biggest downfall in this one. My writing skill is not good, as I am not descriptive enough to make decent stories, so this submission was shorter than it could have been. I made the story based around a character that had been mentioned before, and wanted to go with a story like Sun Wukong, or similar folklore, in which the hero gains legendary equipment as they progress, but the problem with that was that there wasn't enough content to properly space those out, and the thing became more of a description of his wardrobe than a story. overall, the problem is glaringly obvious in that we tried to fit what should have been a much larger tale into a small space, and it didn't work. |
To be a shining hobgoblin, as in my dreams!![]() ![]() ![]()
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| Delfes | Dec 5 2016, 09:09 PM Post #12 |
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Regular Adept #18
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Competition: 4.3: Folktale Feedback: I found the entry to be a bit repetitive. All chapters felt the same: Short description of the battle, victory, create treasure, repeat. The chapters felt disconnected, as if they were 5 completely separate things, even though they happened one after another. It's as if each chapter was made as a stand alone very short story, each with its own introduction, plot and conclusion, rather than a continuous tale. Competition: 4.5 Celebration Feedback: While it described the events themselves, Kaen and Taedrick lack history to theirs, and the other two are barely touched. We know what the celebration looks like while it's happening, but that's it. Why did they come to be? Why are they still relevant? Do they have a special meaning or are they events that just happened once at some point and people liked them so they decided to repeat them? Overall, it felt a bit incomplete. Competition: 4.6 Psynergy Feedback: I like the overall aesthetic of it. I'll be honest with you, your art style doesn't compare to Neshi's or Misery's. Not to say it's worse, but it's different. That's why your entry stood out well. It didn't fight for "best poster/mural"(where it wouldn't have been able to compete in my opinion), it took advantage of clearer lines and colour separation, which makes it much more suited as a sticker or logo, but looks great as such. |
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| DeltanTD | Dec 11 2016, 11:59 PM Post #13 |
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The Light's Justice
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You'll need to forgive me for not using the gold text color on this entry - Justice is important, but I think that this feedback is deserving of more respect than to be entirely emblazoned in gold. Competition 4.1 - Worldwide Shift in Power Feedback: This is the first submission of the season, and boy does it show. Much of the work that went into this was figuring out what ideals we'd like to give each of the nations. I don't know how I feel about the execution of this submission - I think it's clear to everyone that Kaen and Taedrick are the real focuses of this entry. Mørdor is certainly a cool place, ripe with tribal dynamics, myths and history, but not enough of that is displayed in this entry. The locales of the Martian Alliance are really cool - I don't think this entry properly conveys that. Competition 4.2 - Recruit Feedback:Possibly the most controversial submission on this list, the Martian Comics are a project of passion - each member came up with a comedic scenario regarding themselves and an new member of the Alliance, be it a personal assistant, or in Deltan's case, a student. It's good, lighthearted fun. That being said, there were many criticisms that were levied against these comics, some more just than others. I will be the first to say that the comic representing my own character is the most lackluster of the three, because I as a member of the alliance offered so little up. To balance out that Deltan as a character is very 'flat', and that I had no ideas on what Deltan would do as a lecturer, it took on a higher joke concentration than the others. Orbeck and Pat form a comedy duo that I really enjoy - Pat acts as a partly innocent apprentice, with Orbeck being just a slightly mean-spirited master. They have chemistry, a sort of interaction that everyone can laugh at. Catman and Frei are something straight out of a love comedy - the build up to a romantic climax, is replaced with humor from misunderstanding. Deltan's humor comes from the situation itself, the jokes in the background, and the inside jokes. Frankly, I really thought the comics were funny, and respect the effort that went into making three of them.But the comic regarding Deltan is probably extraneous. Competition 4.3 - Folktale Feedback: A submission chronicling a foundational myth of Kaen. There's a lot to say about this entry, but I think I should hit upon the really important things. The idea behind this submission is something I appreciate - It's a scholarly translation of a founding myth. It tries to say lot, showing a link between Mørdor and Kaen, discussing the various sorts of groups that used to exist there, and explain the reason behind some of the relics of the Burning Emperor. That being said, effort can only take an entry so far. Regardless of my enjoyment of the style for personal reasons, I will say that it doesn't exactly make for the most enjoyable read. The submission tries to accomplish too much, and in the end, falls short of being something truly great. That being said, this entry does a great job at setting up future conflicts and plot points - ones that I, and the rest of my alliance will be eager to share. Competition 4.6 - Psynergy Feedback: This is a fun submission. For a still pose, there's a lot of animation. I think the only issue I have is the name, Planet Diver. Seeing the trail of flames make a circle from behind, makes this move seem less like a Planet Diver, and more akin to an Eclipse of some kind. Competition 4.7 - Justice Feedback: As the author of this entry, I feel I should talk at length about my personal thoughts. Leading up to this event, there were a lot of expectations about how I would handle Justice. Someone who shouts it all day should have something in mind, yeah? So, many people were justifiably surprised when the story I wrote turned out to have a really dark and kind of hurtful Justice. The sort where good doesn't triumph over evil, where Law is simply acted upon, even if that feels 'wrong.' There is a lot that's been kept hidden by this style of writing - which is sort of the goal in this submission. The intent is to force the reader into questioning Justice, and by extension, Deltan himself. The inspiration for this was a corruption of the Socratic dialogues - Deltan, the wise teacher, educating a foolish student. Now, as for my enjoyment of the entry. I like this piece more for it's ideas than how it actually turned out. I couldn't decide if there was more to say or not, if the ending of Deltan simply holding his symbol of authority said more than whatever words I could type out. As a character, Deltan says this ended a long time ago. The verdict was laid down, Justice was done. Lucius deserved more time in the spotlight, especially considering what's going to happen to him the next time (if he ever come back). While the trope of the Socratic dialogues is that one person is lesser than the others, from a story perspective he could use fleshing out. |
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Those who fight for Injustice, fear my name! As long as I stand, no shadow shall escape my sight. By the Holy Light! "Raise. The. Justice." | |
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8:27 AM Jul 11

