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| The Adventures of Tanto and Friends; ?!?! | |
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| Topic Started: Apr 5 2017, 10:05 PM (291 Views) | |
| Nedben | Apr 5 2017, 10:05 PM Post #1 |
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Seekers of the ultimate weapon, a sword that's an alchemy machine that's a world that's generally overpowered, begin their travels. Across a distorted fusion of Weyard and poorly described hellscapes, a trio of Mercury-aligned swords (one of whom doubles as a person and is more of a dagger anyway) and a princess (really a princess' daughter with no chance of the princess in question transitioning out of that title, but it's nice to pretend) voyage adventurously. Meanwhile, the apocalypse is happening with three cloaked ladies and a snake attempting to awaken an evil god, and a global trading operation is beginning to fracture into three or more subgroups. It's a wonderful extension of the end. |
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| Nedben | Apr 5 2017, 11:09 PM Post #2 |
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Wakizashi continued screaming, as per her usual behavior. "W, can you shut up already?" Katana said, rustling in his new and very stolen sheath miserably. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Wakizashi continued screaming, deigning only to deliver a no. Tanto sighed, brushing a bit of black hair away from his inhumanly Mercury-blue eyes. Their doddery maker had made Katana, realized that a self-wielding sword had only so many utility functions without having to learn them first and the current intelligence profile was too edgy, tried to make Wakizashi less whiny and ended up with a womanly sword...who loved screaming and violence which could manifest a humanoid form of wrathful psynergy for even more violence, and then finally gave up and consulted a Creating Life Furniture-Master's Manual, and got things right by around Tanto, who could be dagger, wielder, or both when required. Then their maker had gotten himself killed by trying to summon a bear from a gas giant (which promptly killed him), leaving his creations unbound and free to wander (initially away from the flying jellyfish bear, and now just pillaging wherever). He trudged past the forests now, carrying his older siblings among his things and wondering what cruel gods decided to tell people about a planet of skies after having filled it with bears. And then they reached a clearing that contained a giant flaming pentagram, which had erupted from the ground without ceremony or much noise a few minutes ago. "What." Tanto said, so used to being the most absurd thing in the room that this weirdness was actually surprising, if not by much. As if in response to his flat what, the pentagram of fire spun around and released a large carriage in the shape of a bright pink onion, out of which stepped a shapeshifting woman in a frilly pink dress wearing a golden crown embedded with three rainbow gemstones, who after pausing on the form of a smirking black-haired red-eyed demoness, switched to that of a stereotypical emerald-eyed strawberry blonde save-me-I'm-a-damsel-in-distress girl and said "Hi!" in a cute voice. The pentagram and carriage collapsed into a gold-plated thin scepter with an even more stereotypical pink heart in a winged glass sphere with white trim, which the girl twirled and smiled sheepishly about having. "I'm" she started, then spoke something brief in the voice of a legion composed of various voices mostly dominated by chorusing warrior women, anime catchphrases, and the voice of a great demon princess among devils who seemed to breathe "Elle" somewhere in there loud above the new cacophony that in its momentary auditory projection exceeded the continuous screaming of Wakizashi, who had never stopped screaming and probably never would. "And what is that noise?" "Sorry, I'm gay." Tanto went by default, then realized this girl was at least pretending to be too young for needing that deflection, obvious demonic maturity and his averageness of appearance be damned. "Oh, hi. I'm Tanto. My screaming sister's making that noise in the background." "Right then. You're a sword, aren't you." the girl said, still smiling. "Or, dagger, tanto, furniture, whatever, thanks for the clarity that your name is not, in fact, a species descriptor. I'm going to follow you around because I have nothing better to do and judging by the fact you're in my mom's jurisdiction bin for being an unholy abomination that's done so many warcrimes the scroll of sins got up there in wordcount with that artist dude you won't care or will try to stab me with yourself, or maybe your siblings." "Great, wonderful." Tanto said, equalling this otherworldly being of incomprehensibles and evil in complete and utter casual appraisal of the situation. "As far as names, I can't pronounce yours. Can I just call you Princess or something?" "Done deal, no souls required." Princess accepted the proposition with. "Even if that IS my mom's title." "Kay." Tanto said, continuing on the path he was going for. "Gonna keep going." Wakizashi continued screaming with no objections to the arrangement, while Katana remained in shock at the fact his little brother had seen a demon princess' daughter appear and promptly not care. The longer blade unsheathed himself and hovered, blade upward, around to his brother, floating up with the dark blue of the flat to his right ear, at a good distance away. Then to make himself heard clearly over Wakizashi's eternal din, screamed even louder. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" he shouted. "Dude," Tanto answered, continuing to walk. "She's probably some super-op final bonus boss extra stage summon guardian supervillain sequel hook or something. We don't stand a chance against her, and frankly if anyone's gonna blast through the crazy obstacle hordes of the really good blade guardians, it's gonna be her." Princess snuck up behind Katana, causing him to scream and fly away a good distance, blade pointed at her from several feet above and in front. "Perfectly valid observation, sir!" she chimed in, still resembling some anime loli crossing realities to terrify them with cartoonish impossibilities of form. "I'm also tangentally after that little superweapon for roughly the same reason: because evil!" She then tripped over a golden arrow that had been lodged into the ground with a note. "Oof." she said, dress strangely undirtied, smart brown riding boot still around the shaft of whatever. Katana lowered himself, less the sword of damocles and more a confused edgelord unsure whether his enemy's fall was real or fake. Wakizashi continued screaming, ruining the moment as Princess got up, dusted herself off unnecessarily, plucked the arrow from the ground, read the attached note, muttered "meh", and sent it into the hammerspace of her scepter neatly slung over her back by a white cord, intending to later use it as a powerup or something when it would be more needed. "I really need a body..." Katana said sarcastically. "Would be nice to trip over things." "Not really that fun." Tanto said, Wakizashi interrupting her screaming for a moment to cram in "YES" among her "AAAAAA". "This forest just keeps getting better and better." Princess said unironically, skipping after Tanto's averagely-paced hike through the woods of somewhere. |
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| Nedben | Apr 6 2017, 02:00 AM Post #3 |
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Somewhere, over the rainb- Oh. Jared the witch hunter readied a crossbow. "Freeze, fiends." he said, leveling it at Tanto, who reacted to it with the approximate degree of care as one would a passing fly, while Wakizashi slid in a mad laugh between her usual cry of rage. Princess cowered with surprisingly well-faked fear. "Do something!" she cried. Tanto tilted his head. "What's your problem, cloaked dude?" "For the crime of adeptness, I-" he started. "Okay your bull is intolerable," Princess said, faster than anyone noticed holding Jared up by the throat, still smiling and still a cute little girl. "I'd say go to Hell but you're annoying enough you can keep torturing Weyard. Since I'm feeling in a villainous mood today, I'm gonna let you keep doing your weird bandit assassin thing and pick off some useful utility casters. But get out of my sight, and leave us alone, or I and slash or my associates are going to make you regard falling into hell when we're finished with you and leave you to die at the mercy and dare I say pleasure of this wonderfully cruel world an act of kindness until I get back down there or get one of my more competent friends on the job. Kay bye!" She threw him aside with only playful force, watching him bounce a few times and land in the dirt of the road unconscious and very bruised, Wakizashi adjusting the pitch of her screams accordingly to display joy at his crash-landing suffering. "So," she said to Tanto. "Which way were you going again?" "North." he answered, still unduly chill at his traveling companion. "We're gonna raid Mercury Alliance's old clan-holdings in case they had decent recordkeeping near Imil and didn't lose it. And I'd bet you ten coins that weird crossbow dude will be back, but I'd rather get harm rights instead." "Yeah yeah." Princess acknowledged, calling off the discussion. "Pretty sure we're not legally allowed to discuss that on camera." Fine, fine! I'm out! Much later. "And that's settled, just not legal to discuss." the hellspawn who spoke of unholy things concluded. And then Mercury Lighthouse was still animate and fighting Crocell. "What the hell." Tanto said from swordform, Princess having carved a bloody swath with him through Mercury forces to meet up with the invading demons. "Yo! Lord of the bath!" Princess said, hopping into the sky and waving Tanto to get attention from the noble. "What the hell happened here?" |
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| Nedben | Apr 7 2017, 02:06 AM Post #4 |
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"Horrible things." the great demon said, his sigil absorbing without effort the vicious blizzard of Mercury energy enveloping the region, the lighthouse itself trying and failing to swat down the once-angel and the child of evil. "Go. I will handle this battle, your swords have felled enough men to let our legions advance. Be not afraid, seek your goal elsewhere. Go north. The sea speaks of colonies beyond the red tear and foggy depths, and the mythos there." The ruling shield against frost pushed further toward the stormy beacon, as Princess slashed through the ice with Tanto towards the more Proxian north, where Mercury's ice bled to Mars' fire. She flew over the ocean and circled ever so widely past Santa Claus' dominion, approaching from the rocky sea rather than overland. "I can't believe we spent so much offscreen time discussing crazy weird stuff and murdering our way to Mercury Lighthouse only for it to be a robot!" Princess complained, "We're probably gonna have to spout obscenities to get a moment's free time anymore!" Sorry. "Yeah yeah, blame the Sleeping King." she told off the narrative. "Some green he is..." The three swords flew after her in the rocky northeastern sea, bouncing off and skimming through the water and leaving trails of ice just because they could. Wakizashi continued screaming, as always. Then she decided to switch to curse words, which conveniently forces me into over-budget timeskipping. They flew for a long and boring few days. Eventually, the sword grew tired of screaming obscenities and went back to regular screaming. Forced back on camera, Princess adapted. "So, let's review our remaining clues together, since it's not in Mercury anymore or we would've noticed the bending." "Right." Katana reported. "We have no idea. Mercury Lighthouse was where the South Imil Clearinghouse records pointed it last being sealed, but it got sent away somewhere more secure sometime before the Golden Sun when Mercury Clan was down to the last few dozen in the region. I was hoping they'd left traces onsite the monsters didn't wash away, but what decades didn't do ripping up the whole building and have it flinging blizzards at a legendary demon probably isn't doing archaeology any favors. How we got there in the first place was some old poetic scrolls about the sword of the north being sealed by the greatest northern Jenei of Mercury and assuming they'd stuck around long enough to pass it to a clanmate, and all that was mixed up with old Fist of the North Star memogel records." "I'm about as clueless as you are." Princess seconded. "Crocell's bathfinding ability probably spoilered where they used to keep it and the ocean told him the rest of the story, but frankly he looked busy fighting and outranks me in pull so I'm not about to piss him off by asking for clarifications on what he clearly doesn't have the effort to do. Frankly he's probably either gonna subjugate the lighthouse or be forced into retreat when the Jupiter backup makes it to the front. Going north into the mist is a bigger region than Weyard itself, but there's only so much of importance past Prox and Mars Lighthouse anyway and tossing things into the abyss is only so effective a thing remover, 'specially not for a world-weapon. Maybe-" They passed into a fogbank, having been discussing searches for enough time to stop paying attention. And then suddenly it wasn't foggy anymore. "Unholy..." Princess said. The dramatic moment was severely ruined by the fact Wakizashi was still screaming, but a nudge from Tanto caused her to begin screaming musically in time and tune with the melody of the background music that isn't playing in this text version, so it was slightly less awkward. ![]() A great very setting-defying deactivated structure. Project Scout Base C, in Jenei longform, Taalo ritual script, and jenei combat terse standard text, printed finely on the walls. A memory of another world was evoked from the stones. And now for something completely different. Tacsit. "Tacsit, gods condemn, I said TACSIT!" shouted the Venus adept through comms, rocketing and mentally thanking his Mars djinn for the Planetary as he blasted off, slamming into an autofighter and bashing into its computer core with an accelerator hammer, conveniently blasting it to bits in an explosive blow of dragon-themed energy. "What's the bloody status? Come in, command!" The battle was not going well. The dnyarri psionic command was reduced to a dull useless drone by biology and a slightly quieter dull drone by the psionic shielding of his djinn countermanding whatever intents might possibly sneak past the rote grids of siliconized engineered mind into the fragile mass of more conventionally affectable neurons, but with so many of them on the enemy side, it was a noisy mass even so that if he did not focus himself into a screaming blade against them all he might find himself forced to listen to commands they could not force on him. One of the hovering sage-stones reported from battleship over comms. "We're losing men on the lower starboard flank, the cannon banks can handle the drones, go!" Go! "Go on, not relevant!" Princess said irritably, talking over Wakizashi's incessant screaming "Trying again, one last time." Another slab of artificial material, a lot more memory. Douse? "Douse." the girl enunciated, demonstrating by filling a simple wooden bowl with rain. "I can't believe she can create water." "I know, the Taalo set up something beautiful in the distance of Pretty Space. Luring in the arcane bullshit was worth it after all, huh." "Heh, don't be so silly, c'mere man." Man. "Man, I wish for omnipotence." "Crazy way to deflect stupid wishgranting." "It works. Nothing but the Wish psynergy happens." Happens. "Happens I got this stupidly powerful grimoire thing, says it's about furniture and shapes but it's got these crazy instructions for doing god stuff like making servants and pets and magic systems." "Cool. Where from?" "Dunno. A goddess with demon wings descended from the heavens and threw it at me because she said I was a horrible person." "That's weird. Have you tried it?" "Haven't bothered much, but it seems to work. As far as magic, no matter how much I practice, I tend to just suck. Must be exathi heritage cramping my style, low reserves and all that. I'm gonna hand it off to you and you can take it back to Tundaria Tower Basement with the sword hunters' expedition. As far as me, it's pretty much useless." Useless. "Useless." Princess said. "Combed the mind radiance in this building, something's blocking material tracing and replacing it with poorly written cutscenes." Katana floated there in a way that would emulate being dumbfounded, if he would actually have a body. "So this is a total waste of time dead end." Katana said. "Can we go cut stuff elsewhere now?" "Actually, wait." Princess said, suddenly realizing the obvious. "The last dialog said something about a sword hunters' party in Tundaria, and it seemed all censored out so I couldn't tell what anything was, but the last part felt...way too recent. Like it happened just before we got here. Maybe they stole whatever Crocell was talking about a few hours ago and went around us." "Great, we're going to the other cold land." Katana said. "You're a sword and a Mercury sword at that." Tanto pointed out. "You don't get bothered by the cold." Wakizashi continued screaming. "Does your sister have a muffler or something?" Princess asked, stepping into the air and gesturing to follow as she went southward." "We should get her one." Tanto recommended. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA LIKE WE SHOULD GET KATANA A BODY, HAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Wakizashi scream-interjected. "Actually," Princess said in a higher-pitched and more annoying voice than usual, smiling cutesily, "that'll be near where we're going." Everyone switched to talking with a gratuitous amount of expletives to convey meaning so I can't record the scenes following publicly without much translation and omission, and the author is much too bad at writing to do that right anyway. So have something else. The swords and queen-to-never-be wove south across the sea with blades and blade-trails of ice. They turned to the east, and spoke often through masks of cursing. Lots of cursing. Seriously, it was all cursing. With a sword screaming in the background. Good thing demon ears regenerate and sword hearing isn't hurt by that. They angled to reach the edge of the world first, a longer path in exchange for not having to fight through every inch of it. Meanwhile, far and away, a flying jellyfish-bear prowled, then spastically shuddered, shaking its pinkish hover-tentacles and sending its fur into a whirlwind from brown body to golden paws. Soon. Soon it would reach the south and challenge the gods among ice for passage home. ...And on another path, a witchhunter, sore from having been blasted away by brilliant eye-beams and words that seemed to sunder reality from a flying bear, walked through the undersea tunnels crafted by ancient foes, to reach the southern apex in pursuit of some place far from the towers of alchemy that might be free from their sins and flying bears that shot lasers. Edited by Nedben, Apr 13 2017, 12:09 AM.
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8:39 AM Jul 11

